Kashi Mediterranean Pizza

Dans speaks of High-brow logic and pure wholesome society

Straight from the side of the box: Haiku are expressions of complex ideas distilled into simple words.  They serve as metaphors for the richly complex flavors crafted from Kashi’s honest ingredients. 

Their haiku:
Stone-fired pizza

Heavenly whole grain goodness

Earth’s bountiful harvest

Straight from my mouth: Why must everything be so high-brow when it comes to good-for-you pizzas?  Why is everyone trying so hard to have this image of healthiness and purity and wholesomeness?  Why does Kashi throw this haiku on the side of the box, like they’re trying to be cool?  Why don’t you throw down some iambic pentameter and see where you land?  Is throwing a haiku on the side of the box hip enough for being on the west coast where these pizzas are made?  No, I would put a palindrome on the side and get that haiku trash out of there.

My palindrome:
Top a pot

I don’t know what it means and how it applies to pizza, but I think there are some complex ideas being distilled here to reflect my honest thoughts.

(7.4 pizzas out of 10)

I'm casting my vote for Sarah Palindrome, star on no rats!

Joshua just watched the "human centipede" and felt grateful for not being the middle

Kashi makes pizzas that don’t feel like you’ve been punched in the gut.  That is a big deal for me.  There’s nothing like dining on any meal of food only to feel like you’re being pummeled by someone who has been stuck in traffic for 3 hours. 

The flavors were good, they don’t rub it in your face about how great they are (looking at you newman) , and you know…. They named themselves after a Japanese white oak, or a holy city in India.  So there you go.

Maybe the indifferent tone in my voice stems from the fact that I’m a little under the weather, or maybe it’s because Kashi isn’t a pizza company, but they do a decent job… still I know there whole heart isn’t in pizza making.  It can’t possibly be, they have cereal and granola to attend to as well.

But hey… in the world of frozen pizza, sometimes not having your whole heart in it is still far better then the feeling of your whole stomach being obliterated.

7.2 out of 10 holy cities wouldn’t be so holy if they just got the potholes fixed… Wah Wah Waaaaaaaaah

I went to the darkest part of my soul during this review, I call that part "dayton"

Kashi Roasted Vegetable

Dan's Thoughts

I wish Josh and I could have invited our tree-hugging friends over for a Kashi pizza dinner party tonight. The box was 100% recycled paperboard, using 16% less packaging. In a tip o’ the cap to us, the brand is affiliated with Project Sparky—in purchasing this pizza, we’re saving trees and energy, while also reducing CO₂ gases and waste. The pizza’s vegetarian, too, with nice graphic pictures of whole grains, real vegetables and fruits, and other wholesome looking food on the back of the box. The whole affair was also a little highbrow—with an actual haiku on the side and no dummy pizza pictures on the box showing a mock stove timer or a mock pepperoni pizza on the middle rack. However, my brain functioning returned to low speed when they reminded us in instruction 5 that the “product will be hot” after baking. No shit, Sherlock. I thought we were eating fudgecicles—my bad. And, as I type, I’m periodically glancing at an Arby’s salt packet on the computer workstation.

This pizza falls into my category of “snack” as opposed to meal. I could have eaten the whole pizza by myself for a meal or the half pizza as a snack as it was the smallest to date of any of the pizzas we’ve tried. I secretly timed Josh eating his half and it lasted only 3 minutes 43 seconds. Salt packet. I wasn’t far behind.

Kashi did a lot of things right here and I can’t really find any negatives, save for the size. There’s a general, even disbursement of small roasted vegetable toppings, so you get a little of each of the vegetables in most bites. There’s seasoning in the sauce and the whole grain crust was good and good for your gut (4g of fiber!). The chesses are well-blended. Not much more you can say about this one. If only they packaged it in a Red Baron pizza box, well then I’d be living off Red Baron frozen pizzas every day of my life. (9.3 pizzas out of 10)

By the way, I hope when you’re reading my pizza numerical rating that you’re teleported back to your 6^th grade math class doing fractions and the corresponding decimal conversions. That’s what I think of, at least, when I make the ratings. This pizza would be 93 pizzas out of 100. And weren’t the pizzas always pepperoni in the textbook? Did they have any fire-roasted vegetable pizzas? Arby's.

Joshua's Feelings

Song about Kashi