World Table Buffalo-Style Chicken pizza

Dan Talks about Now

We’ve been away and I hope you frozen pizza lovers out there haven’t missed us too badly.  Due to consuming large quantities of frozen pizza, I underwent voluntary small and large intestine replacement surgery.  I got the gut of a poor soul in Vermont—a Mrs. Jane McKinley, who passed away at age 76.  I hope it will get me through these next set of entries.

Doesn’t this “Taste of USA Delicious Discovery” pizza sound like something Woodrow Wilson would serve up at the League of Nations?  That’s assuming they had Wal-Mart around to provide said pie and back when people were kind enough not to wish anyone an evening’s stay in the lavatory.  What I need to do, folks, is stop eating pizzas with buffalo-style sauce on them ‘cause it’s ruining my sanity and objectivity when I write these blogs.  And there’s not enough magazines in the john to keep me from not getting bored.  I’m sorry to vent.  But let me offer props now, publicly for the first time, to Edith Wilson, Woodrow’s beloved, who basically ran the country in 1919 when he couldn’t anymore.  Edith, I’m dedicating this blog entry to you.

 Where was I with this?  Oh yes, this “Taste of USA” got me thinking.  For this World Table series, what are the Chileans doing for their Wal-Mart issue pizza?  Or the Dutch?  Or the aboriginal Australians?  Or people in North Dakota?  And on and on.  Wal-Mart’s either hit a gold mine with so many different choices or they’ve run themselves into the ground with the idea that have buffalo-style sauce somehow replicates marinara and will taste good to people.

One comment before I sign off: they say this pizza has “real mozzarella” cheese.  I’m about ready to throw a temper tantrum with all these iterations of cheese.  Sometimes it’s low-moisture, sometimes there’s no mention of it, sometimes they’re ‘signature’ cheeses, and sometimes they’re real and so on and so forth.  Just a comment…I’m sorry, it’s probably the buffalo sauce setting me off again.

(3.3 pizzas out of 10)

yup, I weigh at least as much as 4 lost souls now... thanks pizza.

you'll find other fine products like this at Walmart too. 

Joshua talks about Apocalypse

The rapture is about to start on May 21^st apparently.  But I looked it up on the internet and it’s just the first phase of the big overhaul that’s going on.  Apparently it really goes down on October 21^st.

What does that mean for you dearest reader?

1. don’t bother putting together Halloween costumes this year
2. maybe get some extra special fireworks for the 4^th of July… for example, you could light your house on fire!
3. if you haven’t made a bucket list, you might want to start, and if you have made a bucket list let’s hope “getting torn apart by demons” was one of the items on there… cause it’s coming.
4. repent I guess…. But you there’s a good chance that there’s someone out there who said they forgave you when they really didn’t… so…. I guess just pour a ton of ice down your pants before 6pm on the 21^st.
5. Since the world is ending soon, can we all agree as a people that “two and a half men” really wasn’t all the great.
6. Since we’re on our last meals, I wouldn’t recommend World Table’s brand of pizza ish food stuff.  So skip it and stick with your favorite foods, like cookies that are baked inside brownies that are stuff into a cheesecake and deep fried.
7. for the love of god, when it all goes down make sure you yell “No Regrets” at the top of your lungs, especially if you’re doing something that really isn’t worthy of the comment, like playing “Super Mario Bros. 2” or reading any of “the twilight” books, or watching “thor”.

2 out of 10 people in our country believe this is happening…. I just made that statistic up, but hey, if some crazy can go around making up and then preaching to people that the world is going to end, I can make up statistics…. It’s my crazy too!

it's my crazy and I'll cry if I want to.

Trader Joe’s Organic Woodfired Sicilian-style pizza

Dan drops some mad science from his head

I penned a limerick in honor of my first Trader Joe’s pizza experience:

Pizza like this will make your mouth shout,

Organic and wood-fired are quality beyond a doubt,

Delicious with provolone and pearl mozzarella,

It made me a very happy fella,

It laps up the competition in a frozen rout.

(9.2 pizzas out of 10)

with frozen pizza this good... I'm homeless

Joshua let's the fame get to his head

well, first off Dan and I and our guest contributor Heather made it into a web series called :24. 

http://twentyfourminutes.com/

we're in episode 16, but you should really just check the whole thing out.  A nicely filmed well done parody of a fox show, which is funny cause usually fox shows are parodies in and of themselves (come on.. the guy who once sang "love in an elevator, living it up when I'm going down" as well as "cause I practice on the peach most every night" is trying to tell kids how to be superstars....)

next on the agenda, I want to thank you all for your endless praise on our pizza blog.  Yes, Dan and I want to come to your place and eat the frozen pizza you know we haven't tried yet.  We do we do, it's just there's so many requests and so little time.  Fame is a weird beast.  It swallows you whole and leaves you empty... but in a really large house.  (for example, see Phil Collins.... jesus man, stop being so hard on yourself).

the next thing I want to point out is that no matter how shitty your love life is, or if you don't even have one at all, keep this phrase in mind and then say it to yourself to cheer yourself up every day "At least I'm not with Carl Tanzler"

wanna know what I'm talking about... Hit me with the link Benny!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Von_Cosel

if you haven't heard this story before, prepare for the part of your brain that develops nightmares to start doing a really long and involved happy dance.

and finally, since I know you turn to Dan and I for pizza wisdom here it is.  This pizza was the best pizza I've had since we started this frozen pizza journey. 

I often feel in the world of frozen pizza that it's still a big unknown wasteland.  It's still the wild west and there's no real rules or regulations.  People and companies are just out there throwing random amounts of toppings on crusts they hope will keep well when frozen and just kind of crossing their fingers and hoping for  the best and it shows.

when I come across a pizza like trader joe's that has a crust that is amazing and takes me back to the pizza I used to enjoy back in my college days, and toppings that taste like someone checked to make sure they weren't expired before hand I'm just elated.  Someone took the time to make something with quality.  Keep that in mind kids.  You can mass market crap and the masses will get it, cause they won't know where else to look.  But there are people out there who want quality and when they find it, they will shout it out to the heavens, or at least write about it in a silly blog alongside a webseries plug and the mention of a horrible man who loved a corpse (spoiler alert to the carl story).

Alright, let's give it a score and move on with our wonderful confusing lives!

10 out of 10.

even the barcode is great on this pizza....

I love this pizza so much, I'm going to start a holy war!