Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Red Baron Classic Crust Supreme



Dan's Thoughts

I was inspired by the cover art on this pizza box. I’d put the Red Baron (real name: Manfred von Richthofen) in my foxhole any day. With 80 air combat victories, he was considered in WWI as an “ace of aces” in the sky. His real-life look and pizza box mock-up had an air of confidence, as if he just finished his WWI mission and was flying home to have a meal of pizzas and sodas with his men. While the pizza was baking, I imagined I was him, actually capable of growing mustache like the pizza box Baron’s, although in real life, Manfred was without ‘stache. And sadly, it would take me 3.2 years to grow one of my own.

I’m on a mission with this blog entry, so I’ll cut out my usual chit-chat. Rat pellet sausage droppings. A classic crust, which implies to me a more dough-like consistency, was, in actuality, a thin crust. They forgot to make the whole pizza a supreme with about only 65% of the pizza covered in pepperonis. It got the “Real Cheese” logo, so we can feel confident about that, at least. The pizza would probably get a 1 ranking, but the inspired cover art depicting the Baron saves our ace just this one time. Over and out. (2 out of 10 pizzas)



Joshua's Feelings

Red Baron Classic Crust Supreme Pizza

I appreciate that Red Baron take the time to clarify what animals are used in their meats right on the front of the box.

That seems akin to a girl I’m about to make out with telling me she’s full of germs and mucus and really gassy. I guess what I’m saying is I appreciate the honesty, but I’m a pizza blogger, so I’m going to eat the damn thing, and I also like to make out with the ladies, so all that info is unnecessary, let’s eat pizza, let’s make out.

Now if Red Baron had put that they named each animal and then beat it to death with a hammer while playing “the final countdown” that would be to much, but it might a little more eye catching.

Where was I. Oh yes, Darlene, you didn’t have to tell me how many men you made out with and for how long and how Adam who was your one true love sneezed in your mouth in the middle of your 3rd make out session with him.

What is the moral of the story here? I think details are important but they aren’t the saving grace of Red Baron. Oh yeah and Darlene is a whore.

Red Baron sits there on the cover looking heroic, but what hero would feed his people this malarkey?

By the way, a Red Baron supreme pizza is defined as a pizza having pepperoni, sausage, red AND green peppers and onions.

I suppose that works, but I’m beginning to believe that the world of pizza seems to think that adding some peppers and onions to something makes it supreme.

I added onions and peppers to myself one day and it didn’t make Darlene love me! WHY DARLENE! WHY!? I WAS SUPREME!

Enough about Darlene, and really, enough of Red Baron. Crust.. bleh, toppings…well, if the toppings make a pizza supreme then shouldn’t the toppings at least be big enough to be considered choking hazards for 2 year olds?

I’m going to score this one higher then most because there wasn’t anything AWFUL about it, but there wasn’t anything GREAT about it either. It just falls into that category of passable, which always makes me wonder why we as a people settle for things that are passable when there is greatness around us as well as awful around us that we can learn much much more from.

3 out of 10 snoopy’s doing his red baron impression.


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