Monday, May 2, 2011

DiGiornio Cheese Stuffed Crust

Dan Checks Out

I wrote my will today—made Josh my executor.  I asked that when my body’s taken to the funeral home that instead of using formaldehyde to preserve my body for all of time that they use cheese to stuff me with.  Now, if Josh passes on before me, well then, I’m screwed.  Actually, here’s how I envision it going down: our pizza blog wins a Caldecott Medal in February 2017 and kids ‘round the world are reading our blog in the schools.  Entire math lessons center around the quantity of sodium we’ve consumed per pizza and they rewrite the Ohio history textbook to include trailblazers such as ourselves in the Ohio Legends chapter.  And so on and so forth.  Eventually, we’re so famous and influential that…

It’s a Choose Your Own Adventure blog entry.  If you want to put heartthrob sensations Dan and Josh out of the public eye, go to #1.  If you want to join in Dan and Josh's media circus, go to #6.

1) You’re enraged with jealousy.  Dan and Josh have done everything any blog duo could do.  They’re about to embark on a 16-city, guest blog writing tour until your genius brain decides to buy some T.G.I.Friday’s mozzarella sticks and block their car exhaust pipe.  Their car stalls and they decide to start a scrap-booking company.  THE END.

6) Your hopes are sky high.  You’re telling all your friends about your plans to share the spotlight with the next coming of Hanson.  On their three-city, pizza discovery tour, Josh develops a case of Bieber fever.  Without anyone to shoulder the sudden media blitz, Dan collapses under pressure. You’re left with a half a tank of gas and two cities left to go.  THE END.

0 out of 10
it's like a rollercoaster ride!  It's called "the Puke Dragon!"
Joshua Cashes In

I can’t help but think of “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash. 

4 out of 10 because I dined, I walked the line (to the restroom)

No matter what happens, you must know that when I die I will yell "No Regrets" at the top of my lungs.

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