Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Mama Cozzi’s Rising Crust Supreme

Dan "Paul Simon's" it

This pie was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, or what I mean to say, a DiGiornio pizza in Mama Cozzi’s oven.  Topping for topping, indistinguishable sauce to bland crust, I’m convinced this was a DiGiornio Ultimate Toppings pizza.  Convinced. 

I love, absolutely love, the cartoon drawings of the veggies and meats on the upper right corner of the box.  Three things threw me off on this one, though:

1) “No artificial colors or flavors.”  I’ve come to have a healthy respect and appreciation for Red #40.  This is an insult.

2) They repeat the use of “rising crust” three times on the cover.  Okay, I get it.  It rises.  But does it play the trombone?

3) It’s anyone’s guess what the red backdrop is behind “Mama Cozzi’s Pizza Kitchen” in the upper left.  Send your guesses to us.  The most ingenious guess will win the leftover sausage pellets we don’t eat from our next Red Baron pizza.

Oh sorry, but put a damn comma between “If you love pizza” and “you’ll love Mama Cozzi’s”. That cost you 0.2 points.

(2.2 pizzas out of 10)
Imitation is not the highest form of flattery.

they didn't even say "it's not delivery"... and the sauce inside is killing me.... oooooh whooooooooo

Dan's debut record "songs in the key of Pepperoni" is out now!

 Joshua "Art Garfunkel's" it

The good news is.  This pizza, which I picked up at Aldi’s is an exact clone of Digorno in seemingly every way except for it being $4 cheaper and lacking any claim of it being as good as delivery.

The bad news is.  This pizza, which I picked up at Aldi’s is an exact clone of Digorno in seemingly every way.

So what I’m saying is that it’s the lesser of two evils solely because it is cheaper and there was a little part of me that wanted so badly to cheer for the underdog so my palate detected just a smidge more flavor in the crust.  I will note that it could be my imagination running wild.

The question you must ask yourself brave reader is “Would I rather have the better of two evils or no evil at all?”

And when do two or more wrongs make a right?  Look at Australia. Weren’t they supposedly all criminals when they were shipped there?  Now look at them.  Every Australian I’ve ever met has been a top notch person. 

Then there’s America.  We all came over here to practice religion supposedly, but we wiped out a bunch of natives to the land and now we’re all a bunch of whiny self absorbed needy weirdos who still think it’s a milestone that we have our first black president (whoooo, maybe one day we’ll really let women vote).

That doesn’t mean that criminals always turn into great societies that have kangaroos and it doesn’t always mean that people that want to practice their religion in their own way turn out to be completely divided left and right wing extremists who can only agree on a KFC food bowl being a good idea, but it does mean something.  I just don’t know exactly what.

Then there is the fact that I just ate both this Pizza and Reggio’s in one night.  That is definitely two wrongs, but if my body rejects them and I throw them up that will be a right…

Oh yeah, we were talking about the lesser of two evils.  Well, we weren’t actually talking, it was more me babbling and you being a devoted reader.  I appreciate that very much.

Let’s rest your eyes for a bit weary internet explorer.  The Pizza was alright.  It’s easier to deal with alright when it’s priced to move, then when it’s priced to pay for a bunch of stupid commercials (looking at your Digorno).

It’s not the best taste, but not awful and the value is good, so that’s what my score is based on

5 out of 10 wrongs make a left

after eating this pizza I grew a mustache and had a strong desire to tie a woman to the train tracks

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