Monday, March 14, 2011

Black Olive Rap


Josh and I have lamented the lack of any green or black olives on any of the frozen pizzas we’ve had. From the humble veggie to the proud and mighty supreme, nary an olive can be found, save for one pizza. And to put some feeling into our on-going search and frustration for those of the vegetable kingdom we hold near and dear, I present to you a feature rap. Start the beat box in your head…

Grown on a tree,
A friend is missin’.
How expensive are they?
The pizza makers’ dissin’
They’re round and black
A little tasty treat,
A bit on the sour,
Come back to the beat…
We’ve seen lots of pies,
Veggie and supreme,
No olives could be found,
Pizza haters’ dream.
Newman couldn’t put out,
And Kashi went to rest,
Amy’s on the prowl,
Inside a sweater vest.
The Baron’s out a flyin’
Freschetta has no clue,
The CPK’s got no game,
But DiGiornio’s the one to do…
Olives on the pizza,
Josh and I like the best,
Garlic Bread Supreme
Gives our lives some zest.
There is a global shortage,
So few are black and green,
We’ll pay 12 clams a slice
To avoid this sight unseen.
Give us more damn olives,
We clamor in one voice,
Give us more damn olives,
We’re free—we have a choice!

Lemme bust a little science in the corner of your mind
where sensory nerves and your brain combines
you find
I'm going crazy with the notion that you're hoping
no ones noticing the parting of the ocean when you see
that the sea and me and the pizza party
you leaving off a topping that I need
black olives, looking like donuts
but I don't want no coffee with that damn
I'm gonna go nuts

you're playing with fire if you think you can escape
the pain that I'm gonna come out with and make you face
if you avoid bringing me the olives that you know we damn well crave
first I'm going to launch your entire family into space

and then put you in a cave pizza man so you can
see nothing but the darkness that you brought in my life
by omitting all of
the sweet black olives
that you know that I know that you know that I love

I drive big cars I have lots of women squeeze
but put the git damn olives in my pizza please
or I'll shoot you.

we out.

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